Everyone has been freaking out lately about the Birds and Fish suddenly dying in the south, with some of the first cases being reported in Arkansas. I’m writing this to tell you that your favorite blogger has the mystery solved. Those birds and fish didn’t stand a chance because they heard the sounds coming from Miss Arkansas, Alyse Eady, who not only sounds like shit, but her talent act is so fucking creepy it would make Terry Schiavo jump out of bed and hit the TV off.
She does a country singing ventriloquist act on stage, fist fucking two puppets and yodeling away to a crowd of Hayseeds who eat it up. The same people who really think their talking to Jesus on Sundays. I kept thinking, “who would go see this??”, but then I found that not only are people filling up a theater to watch this, but ABC actually fucking aired this on the Miss America pageant. Id be more entertained watching Muhammad Ali try to lite a Propane grill.
Although you cant deny she is very pretty. In my twisted mind about halfway through watching it I thought of a scenario where I took her out on a dinner date to Sizzler in Little Rock Arkansas. I would be very polite and well mannered being the listener as she talks about her past and upcoming pageants. After we grab a few drinks at the near by Ruby Tuesdays, we go back to her place. After a few more drinks I get the confidence to make up a speech that I wrote on my hand about how important family and religion are to me. I also make up another lie saying how I always have dreamed about having children one day and how great it would be to have puppets tell them the way of Jesus. I figured that would get her so hot that she would invite me into the bedroom. We take are clothes off and get into bed, the moonlight is coming through one of her windows lighting up the back wall. As I awkwardly get on top of her I notice she has the two puppets sitting right above the bed on a shelf. As the sex act begins, I realize I have battles on several fronts. For one Ive been drinking all night so I HAVE TO FOCUS on the task at hand or ALL blood flow will be lost. Secondly, I have the two puppets sitting on the shelf starring right at me. The boy puppet is to the right with its mouth halfway opened and the girl pupped is the left of me and it’s kind of bent forward with its mouth about a quarter of the way open but looking right at my waist area judging me in its twisted fucking puppet mind laughing at my scallop looking torso. Third, I have to be able to finish or ill feel like an asshole because I got a shot to stab Miss Arkansas guts and I get this far but can’t close? Oh and fourth, i guess she should have an orgasm too….. Im concentrating as if im working a crisis in Mission Control for Nasa. Everything is executed to perfection as I feel the moment of truth cumming up I kind of half assed let her know, mumbling it under my breath, breathing Jack Daniels and Marlboro breath in her face every 3 seconds. She then uninviting slips a finger inside me as if I was one of her puppets. It takes me by surprise but ive already started to climax so theirs no going back. As it happens, she starts to smile but not in a hot way. I recognize that smile from the ABC special. She begins to yodel just like the boy puppet. I look up to turn my head away from this creepy twisted bitch but only to see the boy puppet on the shelf looking directly at me but his mouth his fully wide open and somehow his eyebrows are bent upwards. I turn away and look down and Miss Arkansas is looking right back me with that same smile and winks at me. I look away, back up again and the boy puppet looks right back at me. I turn to the girl puppet and her mouth and eyes are FUCKING closed! Even she knows what darkness is transpiring in this bedroom. I look back down at her then turn away and back up to the boy puppet. It quickly goes silent. I kindly karate chop her right arm to get he digit out of my bacon dispenser. By the time I roll over, I can hear her snoring already. After shaking the fetal in the position for about 48 minutes I grab my clothes and run out of the house into my car. The very second the car starts, I hit the gas, spinning tires driving away from her house. As I look in the rear view mirror to make sure she doesn’t come out, I turn around and the boy puppet is in the back seat with it’s seat belt on looking right at me. Yee Haw!
just a quick thought I had before making a sandwich. After eating, my A.D.D. kicked it up another notch and I found this Little Gem