Model Mayhem is a site designed for females who enjoy living the daily denial of ever becoming a professional model. It delivers a similar dream to Hip hop “artists” who think they can make it big on Myspace. What inspired me to write this post up is due to the fact that my social networking streams have been cluttered with females who are claiming to be “models”. Just because some guy with a camera says he wants to take pictures of you standing on a rooftop parking garage while you look at the sky, hands on your hips, elbows awkwardly pointing out, with your eyes looking upwards like Bobs Big Boy, DOESN’T mean you are a professional model. By the way, that camera man is just adding to his portfolio, of jack material. You want to know why you never meet a photographer who isn’t a creep? Because all the normal photographers are busy working for money, and can pass a background/sex registry check. Before some of you bitter females jump down my throat please note that this is towards a delusional few. If anyone wants to get pictures taken of themselves, that’s fine, have fun. My beef are with the women who think by having photo’s of themselves, they are instantly upgraded to international runway models and have to let the world know about their hypocrisy.

After one girl who shall remain nameless posted a link to her Model Mayhem account I knew struck gold, I just had to pan around to find it. Like an old 49er, I went through the site and it only took me 10 minutes to find my top 7.

Speaking of Bobs Big Boy, this beauty listed herself at 126 pounds. To be fair, Model Mayhem didn’t provide a space to fill in on which planet. The dudette abides at Number 7.

Not much allowed in the budget for this aspiring model who is making a push to model for the upcoming season of Doc Martin Uggs. She is the first person ive ever seen look uncomfortable on a hammock.

Alright, you got me. I know I’m supposed to use this section to rip the “models”, but this picture fucking rules. An instant blast to my past when I saw the red wagon. Whatever Company still makes these, it’s their lose if they don’t hire her to model for them.  Enough Mr. Nice guy, it’s time to get ugly!

Behold!  Teddy Rux-foreskin. I have no idea what the tattoo’s are but it look like something that would come up on a slot machine. Still feel bad for that bear

Heyyyyy Scottie!!  Why the long face?

Don’t know what #2 was going for with the twin/gimp shot but it’s a great costume idea if your going as “No dignity” To really appreciate how bitter she is, you have to read a quote from the opening of her Bio.

“I used to be a size 5 then moved on to plus size modeling which is more fun and more exciting then being a skinny model will ever be”

 

There is so much going on here I don’t know where to start. Trying to process what I’m seeing is making me weak and dehydrated. What are you waiting for Sketchers? You can’t get the rights to use Avatar in your commercials anyway so why not hire AVATARD.

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