At this point you’re probably thinking I might have uploaded the wrong picture for the a post containing our infamous Shitty Rappers series but don’t worry, that’s them. They go by The Jolley Brothers but would be better suited if they were called the depression brothers because nothing about their music is Jolly (see what I did there?). These two Abercrombie throwaways come from somewhere called Portsmouth, VA where they claim to sell out every show they perform at and are going on a 45 city tour.
Now we’ve got several requests to put these two Luke Walton’s on blast for a while but really didn’t have to much to work with. They started off trying to do the typical internet rapper gimmick of making ear stabbing rap songs talking how their so fly and amazing even though they look like their names should be Chadwick and Bradley. So here is one of their earlier rap tracks that will make you want to hate your internet provider for bringing it into your house. The track is called “Bro’s on top” so as a disclaimer, by law I am required to say *****PAWS***** and *****NO SWIM TEAM**** it’s work friendly, you won’t see anything gay, whether you hear it is up to you.
Alright, that’s a start. Not ready to hand them the Ziplok crown yet but at least we’re working with something. What’s hilarious about these two dudes is that they know rapping wasn’t going to get them anywhere so they tried to crossover into being EDM performers. Virginia’s own LMFA-NO! They started doing college dubstep (people still listen to dubstep?) parties around Virginia and in doing so would have to change their image to appeal to dubstep bros. This is the part of the trip where the passenger unexpectedly grabs the steering wheel sending the car directly into an electric pole causing the power lines to snap and fall onto car. They debut with a track called “Glowsticks and Candy” which not only is produced terribly but has run on sentence lyrics about generic Molly references. MDMA at raves, we get it! Virginia, you should be ashamed of yourselves.
I apologize, it’s been a while since we’ve done a Shitty internet rapper and that was a bit harsh to jump back into things. If you want to minimize this window, go take a shower, I fully understand. So obviously dubstep fell off so now it’s time to change it up again. How about a producer name Lex Luger producing a track called “Geeked up”? Surely this has to be some surprise Juicy J VIP remix right? nope, these little Hulk Hogan lookin bama’s just jacked the producers name and pretty much stole the entire Juicy J Geeked up track but of course can’t hold a candle to our Lord and Savior Juicy J. The only thing that impresses me with this track is that it’s one of the few that they didn’t have to buy youtube views for it.
So there you have it, the musical ink stain of VA. Follow their FACEBOOK FAN PAGE here just in case any readers have some “constructive” criticism to give and if that video doesn’t get you angry enough check out their recent promo video. It’s a blood boiler.
********UPDATED 10/30/12 7:58*********
Sorry Jolley Bros but the H.O.R. will not approve comments from you two trying to pass yourselves off as fans or if you’re just being even bigger douches by talking in the third person. If you’re going to try and be slick, at least hide your email and ip address. -Dear Leader 
OH SHIT!!!
I’ve seen them live on numerous occasions, and I can say that even this post does not do justice to how dreadful the music truly is
Just out of curiosity, why have you seen them on numerous occasions if you think their music is dreadful. Thats a bit contradicting.
^^^TRUTH
or of how big of douchebags they are
Look VA has put out many great musicians in the Hip-Hop scene(Chris Brown, Clispe, Pusha T, Danja, GrandMaster Jay, Missy Elliott, Lex Luger, Nottz, The Neptunes, N.E.R.D, Trey Songz, Timbaland) but we can’t constantly make great artist.
Not to mention EDM artists like Bryan Zentz, Will Miles, Kjell, Prime Mover to name a few.
^^^ My brother speaks the truth.
hahah yes
hahah yes
Interesting, I would have to say it was you steven who was being douchey all the times you went on their page to trash talk them. And went out of your way to pick a fight with them.
But they are definitely the douchebags…youre right. and putting them on blast like this is the right thing to do.
weird http://upcoming.yahoo.com/event/9264492/VA/Norfolk/Joshua-Radin-With-Tristan-Prettyman-Jolley-Brothers-and-Glow-Show-CANCELLED/The-Norva/
Nothing like some jealous faggots that don’t have enough of a life to do anything special with they’re own. Hating is for middle school bitches grow the fuck up!
You know that link is fake right? I was there on stage.
And we sold Norva to its capacity that night.
theres 3 videos and thousands of pictures
Also weird how the NorVa’s fb page jumps from aug 2 to aug 9th with no mention of a groundbreaking event on the 3rd. Must not have made much of an impression. http://www.facebook.com/theNorVA
Would you like to see my photo album from that night?
Or the links to the youtube videos with myself on stage. I can assure you, we did it.
TWICE
Y so mad? I don’t have time to peruse photo albums. Just showing you what comes up on first page of google search. I don’t know you people enough to hate.
You don’t have time to “*pursue” photo’s yet you googled them…TWICE!?! hahahaha.
He was using the word peruse you dumb idiot.
Not hating… doesn’t look like 1500 people. Maybe need better video editor. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJk4UNnx-NA&feature=relmfu
Pahahaha, JOLLEY BROS are a joke!!!
Hell yeah bro you tell them like it is. I can’t wait to feel your dick in my ass tonight.
Good or Bad… I commend anyone who is in persuit of the path less taken. I attend all types of events from Country to EDM Festivals. I love House Music… but if I find a spot packed with good vibes on a Monday Night… I’m there… regardless of who’s on stage.
sorry, but when someone tries to talk shit to everyone saying that they are the next big thing in edm and dont even know a single thing about the real scene, and what its about, and MULTIPLE times have told me its about them making money and not the music, it comes off douchy. Not try to hate my man, just trying to not have the 757 look like a joke. Just not sure how anyone can actually think this is good music http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Sic4SOar-o
There is a difference between being COCKY and CONFIDENT. Being that you don’t understand what it is to be an artist and successfully striving to reach the top when it comes to your own personal dreams your opinions and EVERYONE at that who is negative about the Jolley brothers music is just irrelavent. Say what you want…down them…talk shit. Pat yourself on the back while your at it…hope your getting your point accross because you and ALL the haters are just motivating them even more. So, thank-you…Thanks for putting your two-sense in
Another one bites the dust!
but hey theyre going on a 45 city nationwide tour so ill shut my mouth hahaha
does ATM in that song stand for ass to mouth?
too ghey, not listening
Wow these guys suck “we sell out etc etc” so does dj blend, doesn’t mean he’s any good
I think it’s sad someone spent time researching them just to talk crap. Grow up!
A tour doesn’t meanvyour good… it means you booked 45 different shows.
Yo Jacob Christian i wrote you s live song. I hope you like it and give me a chance to suck yo dik
Hilarious. As if Ptown doesn’t have a bad enough name for itself.. don’t worry, the rest of us are laughing too.
The only ‘fans’ are drugged-out teenie boppers and older wanna-be thugs that prey on intoxicated half-clothed youngins.
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These guys are certainly not good at all…..but then again anyone doing house music and break beats can’t really judge XD Not that any of you do….lol..just a shitty ass type of music with shitty people..like these jolley fuckers.
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