At this point you’re probably thinking I might have uploaded the wrong picture for the a post containing our infamous Shitty Rappers series but don’t worry, that’s them. They go by The Jolley Brothers but would be better suited if they were called the depression brothers because nothing about their music is Jolly (see what I did there?). These two Abercrombie throwaways come from somewhere called Portsmouth, VA where they claim to sell out every show they perform at and are going on a 45 city tour.
Now we’ve got several requests to put these two Luke Walton’s on blast for a while but really didn’t have to much to work with. They started off trying to do the typical internet rapper gimmick of making ear stabbing rap songs talking how their so fly and amazing even though they look like their names should be Chadwick and Bradley. So here is one of their earlier rap tracks that will make you want to hate your internet provider for bringing it into your house. The track is called “Bro’s on top” so as a disclaimer, by law I am required to say *****PAWS***** and *****NO SWIM TEAM**** it’s work friendly, you won’t see anything gay, whether you hear it is up to you.
Alright, that’s a start. Not ready to hand them the Ziplok crown yet but at least we’re working with something. What’s hilarious about these two dudes is that they know rapping wasn’t going to get them anywhere so they tried to crossover into being EDM performers. Virginia’s own LMFA-NO! They started doing college dubstep (people still listen to dubstep?) parties around Virginia and in doing so would have to change their image to appeal to dubstep bros. This is the part of the trip where the passenger unexpectedly grabs the steering wheel sending the car directly into an electric pole causing the power lines to snap and fall onto car. They debut with a track called “Glowsticks and Candy” which not only is produced terribly but has run on sentence lyrics about generic Molly references. MDMA at raves, we get it! Virginia, you should be ashamed of yourselves.
I apologize, it’s been a while since we’ve done a Shitty internet rapper and that was a bit harsh to jump back into things. If you want to minimize this window, go take a shower, I fully understand. So obviously dubstep fell off so now it’s time to change it up again. How about a producer name Lex Luger producing a track called “Geeked up”? Surely this has to be some surprise Juicy J VIP remix right? nope, these little Hulk Hogan lookin bama’s just jacked the producers name and pretty much stole the entire Juicy J Geeked up track but of course can’t hold a candle to our Lord and Savior Juicy J. The only thing that impresses me with this track is that it’s one of the few that they didn’t have to buy youtube views for it.
So there you have it, the musical ink stain of VA. Follow their FACEBOOK FAN PAGE here just in case any readers have some “constructive” criticism to give and if that video doesn’t get you angry enough check out their recent promo video. It’s a blood boiler.
********UPDATED 10/30/12 7:58*********
Sorry Jolley Bros but the H.O.R. will not approve comments from you two trying to pass yourselves off as fans or if you’re just being even bigger douches by talking in the third person. If you’re going to try and be slick, at least hide your email and ip address. -Dear Leader