Tag Archives: I love bacon

Reed Rothchild Bacon and Exercise Diet

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A lot of people, well ok some people, alright you win, no one has asked me (YET) about how I stay in peak physical condition 365 days out of the year. However, I can assure you after this post you will be kicking yourself that you didn’t ask me sooner. I was in the lab A.K.A. kitchen about to get my get it on with a beautiful thick cut hickory smoked bacon orgy fest. Now the stereotype is that bacon is terrible for you. That rederick comes from the same people who told you Lucky Strikes are hazardous to your pregnancy. These people probably graduated from Cal, drink PBR, and ramble on and on how MGMT sold out to their fans. Some people may refer to them as doctors in the mainstream but people who know the business already know the real term is HATERS. So to make them happy, I formed Voltron by combing diet, exercise, and B. I give you PROCON!

The planned love child of Protein and bacon.   You get all the protein, vitamins, calcium, and added energy from a diet protein shake combined with the daily America loving, terrorist killing, football spiking BACON. Look how sexy the first strip is with its end up in the air. Like a high school sweetheart on prom night, pre-restraining order. So how do you make such greatness? Cook one side of bacon, when you flip it over then pour the powder on to the bacon. I used two scoop per strip. They should look something like this.

I can just feel some of you haters out there mumbling under your breath at the monitor “Reed your such a dumbass you have to exercise in order for that to work” HA! step aside, I’m one step ahead of you. I have a gym in my house. Yeah, it actually came with the house. That’s how I fuckin roll. Still don’t believe me? BOOM here are some pictures of my home gym.

It’s a little quiet over there. Look at that, I call it the gauntlet.  7 steps of hell and just when you think your done, 7 more! I’ve seen grown men break down half way through.  I wouldn’t wish it on anybody.

So there you go.  The lean shake I got at GNC for only $30.  After 6 weeks I have lost 0.3 pounds.  Probably 0.4 if I take my underwear off

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Proof of Judgment Day: Veggie Bacon

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Sweet Gregory’s Flute! I didn’t think anything of it when a friend of mine told me he saw signs hanging up in San Francisco that warned of judgement day set for May 21st, 2011. I shrugged it off laughing, considering I’m not even a religious person. As the days are drawing closer, I keep seeing more talk of it on Twitter, Facebook, and other social media outlets. Like most people I’m just going through my usual schedule today looking on google to find a local butcher that sells Wild Boar bacon. I clicked a sponsored link on google that said “All types of bacon, up to 70% off”.  Instantly, I thought nothing could go wrong with this link. As soon as I clicked the link it rerouted me to another website as if a hacker took over the Macbook and put in the address manually. What the fuckery!?

In seconds I’m on a site called Lightlife.com, a website formed of  veggie hipster revolutionists set out to pollute the swine industry by brainwashing real bacon loving Americans into eating a soy protein isolate, wheat gluten, soybean oil, texured soy protein concentrate. Bacon addicts unite, For evil is upon us.

You can even put in your zip code and it will give you the places and addresses’s of local terrorist cells where you can purchase veggie bacon. Trader Joe’s is a place that harbors Veggie Bacon. Just like a drug dealer they try to lure you in. The Lightlife Company calls it “Smart Bacon” giving consumers a trusting sense that by eating this grounded soy shit, you’re making a smart and healthy choice. Nice try Lightlife, but I know whats smart and healthy! Take this for example….

Those are freedom fries covered in bacon smothered in gravy or as I like to call it, U-S-A. Patriotism will only get us so far because this is an evil of a higher power. On May 21st, we shall be seized and carried off, floating into the air. People who are true to their taste buds will find peace with bacon as the sinners will be left on a dark earth with no sunlight, earthquakes, and veggie bacon. Thanks Lightlife.

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Cooking with Reed: Maple Steakon

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I have been on the quest recently to make the perfect bacon wrapped steak. This time I wanted to combine the cozy allure of breakfast to compliment the steak dinner jump off. Going to the bacon weapons chest, I selected Maple bacon to represent the AM side.

First order of preparation is to cook a couple strips in order to have a nice amount of bacon grease that you will later cook the steak in. This also a good mid-cook snack to eat while you’re making the Steakon because these strips are not required to make it. Go on, get your fix.

Here we have our steak on deck coated in a healthy amount of Montreal Steak Seasoning, Garlic powder, Worchester Sauce, and a dab of A1. Get ready to fry!

Put the steak in the pan and cook one side in bacon grease. Your heart will thank me later. Let it cook for about 10 minutes.

Get your multi-task on by prepping the raw Maple Bacon.  Lay it out on a regular dinner plate then grab your seasoning weapons of choice.

These are my big 3.  The Garnett, Pierce, and Allen of cooking my steaks.  A1 Sauce, Montreal Steak Seasoning, and Jim Beam.  As you can tell, just like the bacon, I had to get my Beam fix before cooking.  Don’t judge…

Once you have everything sprinkled on, give it a good paint brushing that should change the bacon to a fine tan color.

Take the steak out of the pan and get ready to start Mummy wrapping the it in the seasoned Maple Bacon.  The trick is to wrap the bacon but have it slightly overlap each other.  This way it will stay together better and wont fall apart when you go to cook it.

Keep it together by sticking in a couple tooth pics so it doesn’t fall off the steak. Let it sit for about another 10 minutes before flipping it again.  I used a fork to prop it up after I flipped it so I could take the tooth pics out.  Once you successfully flip it, let it cook for about another 7 minutes to cook the other side of the bacon.  If you’re it right, the pan should have a good amount of bacon grease in it to cook.  If you want, give it one more light seasoning application to the top of the Steakon.


Now you are ready to make love to meat & swine immortality.  Maple Bacon combined with Steak to form like Voltron to make MAPLE STEAKON!  It is one of the greatest combination of taste I have had in a LONG ass time.  If you give this a try please take pictures and post it in the comments section below.  Any feedback to improve this great invention, let me know!

 

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Bacon Vagina Gives Birth To A Beautiful Baby Steak

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I admit it. When my mind drifts off, it’s usually bad news. In the time waiting to cook a steak in bacon grease, my mind travels through several different galaxies and the only navigation back is the cooking timer warping me back to planet earth. When the timer went off I blinked, looked down and saw what looked like someone giving birth. It’s kind of like when your flip through the channels past Discovery health and a kid is shooting out of some ladies cunt.

That reminds me when I went to the grocery store to buy this wonderful combination of Steak and Bacon, (Also known as the Reed Rothchild Recipe called “STEAKON”) I approach the line to check out when suddenly Cyndi Lauper “Tru Colors” starts playing over the store speakers. I start to daydream again with my mind quickly traveling through different worlds. Wearing my baller ass Nautica sweatpants, I didn’t even realize that I randomly got a boner for no reason just standing in line at the grocery store. Still looking up day dreaming, with a blank Terri Schiavo stare over my face, the last part of the day dream I remember was walking in Central Park in New York. Suddenly, an overcast came over the sky. As I look down, I see one of the Bernstein Bears standing directly in front of me. By the time I was able to lock eyes with him, he quickly throws shit right at my face. It was at that second I quickly snapped out of my trance however my 4 inches of fury is still going strong. I look to the left and notice a line of about five people deep starring right at me. Each person has a different look of combined emotions on their face. I then realized I was standing at the Self Checkout line and nobody is there to scan my groceries except my intergalactic traveling ass. Damn You Cyndi Lauper.  The End, probably should have kept that to myself but meh….

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Bacon Bikini Contest PART 2!

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In case you missed the first BACON BIKINI CONTEST, it’s one of the most shared post on the H.O.R. alongside the REED ROTHCHILD BACON TATTOO. I was able to find a part 2 of the news report where one of the females speaks up about the event. I feel bad for her since she did the charity event because her son suffers from a heart disease. With that said, I can’t stop laughing when she keeps talking about dancing around in bacon. Also, we finally find out whether the skum bag owner ever donated the money to a charity….Enjoy! (Girls could have used more bacon)

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Blue Print for the “Dog Child”

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The Dog Child Phase 1

A year ago, Jesse Tittsworth asked me to brainstorm an idea to make a hot dog for his club that was set to open in a few months. I wasn’t able to come up with anything because of the limited cooking supplies available but it helped spring an idea for a hot dog that’s almost a year in the making.

The “Dog Child” as it’s called combines my two loves in life, Bacon and Hot Dogs. It also has a couple variations and influences that I acquired from my DJ travels to the west coast. The past couple months I’ve taken things out and added stuff in, but now the blue print to heaven is complete. A video is in the making now as I build this masterpiece. Here is what makes up the Dog Child.


HOT DOGS! one hot dog is an appetizer, 2 hot dogs is a mild snack. The Dog Child requires Six, Hebrew National quarter pound hot dogs. Growing up as a kid, all I ever ate were Ball Park hot dogs. When I lived in Las Vegas the Costco used to sell them by the exit for about a dollar. I’ve been in love ever since. The six hot dogs will be put together almost resembling a chain gun but with my Grandmothers special homemade chili in the middle. I needed something to hold all of that deliciousness and I couldn’t think of a better man for the job than our Lord and Savior, Thick Cut Bacon.

Thick Cut Bacon quilt forms like Voltron to hold the chili Hebrew hot dog chain gun in place. Don’t think the flavor stops there. The quilt will be lightly paint brushed with the love child of Bacon and Mayonnaise.

J&D’s Baconnaise will change your life and it will enhance the Dog Child to the next level. If you haven’t tried it yet then I have to question your bacon credentials. Order Some Now! When designing this I also used a safety first mindset. With that said, to prevent the Hebrew Hot dog chain gun from slipping out of the bacon quilt, melted cheese will be applied to the top and bottom of it with cheese slices, while cheese wiz can be poured into any open space. Since this is just the blue print, my only concern is the bacon quilt staying together with 6 giant hot dogs. The bacon quilt idea I got from the Bacon explosion. If you haven’t had it yet then…….

The bun is going to be on a foot long white hoagie bun. The insides of the bun are going to be smothered in Philadelphia cream cheese. The idea came from when I went to DJ in Seattle. Walking home from the club I found a hot dog stand and noticed the guy putting cream cheese in the bun. It was a head scratcher at first, but once I took a bite, it elevated the hot dog to new levels. This was that hot dog.

This is the final blue print however, nothing is set in stone. I am going to start filming the creation soon but I want your feedback. Anything you think I should change, add, or get rid of, please let me know in the comments section. Thanks!

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The Birth of Christ, how to make BACON

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What a treat! Literally and educationally.  How sweet would it be to have the inspectors job at the end?  In case your wondering, this is what the end result in my kitchen looks like.

Don’t let those shitty, passive aggressive, black rim glasses wearing hipster vegans tell you different, Slaughtered Animals are fucking delicious! But to be fair I do actually have some vegan readers so for the holiday season (just this fucking once) this youtube is for you.

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Bacon Bikini Contest

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Already know what you’re thinking. Yes a bacon bikini contest sounds like a fun idea… but as you can see from the picture above the women wearing the great pork products are a 2.1488888 at best. With the bacon on they might be a 5.862222. Im not here to talk about the women. My boy Michael Firtag put me on to this story via Facebook. This dude in California held a bikini contest to raise money for Dia-Beat-Us since his 19 year old daughter has it and thought it would be a great cause. Naw, dude just pocketed the money. Skumbag yes, but there is something you got to applaud because the fact the dude went that far and that outrageous just to pocket money. More like Dia-Gen-IUS.

Im also a sucker for shitty local news reporting. LuLz

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More fun with Bacon

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Rothchild Breakfast bowl

Got a little wild yesterday morning before the Vikings broke my heart again and created this masterpiece. Chili with cheese, 3 hot dogs, and 4 strips of Bacon. The hot dogs were cooked in Bacon grease. I feel as U-S-A chant coming. Here are some other great bacon innovations that I found from other websites.

Chocolate Covered Bacon with Sprinkles

A great idea except for the time I will to set aside to pick the splinters out of my mouth.

Deep-fried Reeses Cups Wrapped in Bacon

A perfect give away for little trick or treaters. Have them eat it then watch them grab their chest and fall on your driveway.

Chocolate Pop Tarts and Bacon Sandwich

Breakfast Sushi

East meets West. Scrambled eggs made with bacon grease and potatoes wrapped in a layer of bacon weave. Its ok, you can use chopsticks to eat it.

 

Bacon Lasagana

Bacon Wrapped Chicken Wings

"Grease Lightening"

I really enjoy this one because I think Chicken Nuggets don’t get enough love.  A layer of seasoned curly fries topped with chicken nuggets, chicken fried steak, fish sticks, pizza rolls, and a slice of corndog then smothered in melted mozzarella cheese topped with a mixture of chili, bacon, and sliced hot dogs topped with a sprinkling of cheddar.

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