Introducing the second member of HOR’s weed patrol – your friendly stoner nerd Spicoli. As with my colleague Smokahontas, I’m here to deliver the best in herb knowledge and science while keeping it real life. Some of you know me, some of you will get to know me. Let the adventure begin…after I finish rolling this breakfast joint of Girl Scout Cookies.
When I moved to California a few years ago from the DMV I thought I knew a lot about weed. A smoker and grower for years – I took pride in sharing my AK-47 harvest with friends each fall, learning about the science behind medical marijuana and making edibles to hand out at parties. All it took was a move across the country to realize I knew little to nothing about weed. Time to share this life with the rest of the country.
After obtaining a California address of some sorts pretty quickly following the move, I was getting mail in my name. A piece of mail with a California address was all I needed and I was off to the Compassionate Care doctor. The first visit ran me about $90 but took less than an hour and I was out the door with my weed papers and card.
Medical marijuana cures and alleviates just about any health problem you could imagine – from cancer and AIDS to anxiety and ADD. The weed doctor (as we’ll refer to her) wants to see some sort of medical records or prescription in your name. Ideally, you’ll use the medical marijuana instead of the chemical prescription and will be doing your body less harm. Don’t have records or a script? They make you fill out a list of questions that’s pretty much “does weed make this activity in life better than without weed?” Of course every answer is yes, your life would improve with weed and you get a card. Sometimes they want you to come back in a couple months but usually that certificate and card is good for a year of smoky delights.
After stumbling out of the weed doctor’s office amazed at how easy it was to become legal, the urge to find the nearest weed shop sets in. Weed shops, or dispensaries, come in all shapes and sizes. You’ll have the nice ones with strains neatly organized in glass cases, a welcoming room full of tables with vaporizers and scientific numbers everywhere. You’ll also find some holes in the wall or trailers where you pick off a small menu and you’re on your way. The best way to find a weed shop and check out its menu is Weed Maps and if you’re not in California I suggest surfing that site for a minute to find out just how good we have it.
At the weed store *cough* dispensary the choices are endless. I’ll touch more on this in a later column but sativa, indica or hybrid is going to be your main decision. After that you go with flowers, concentrates (hash, kief, etc) or edibles. I always like picking up an eighth and throwing in a pre roll aka pre rolled joint or cone with my order. Depending on where I go that will cost me about $35 to $60 and they usually package it in a plastic prescription bottle, just like the pharmacy.
The US Attorney General is getting feisty and closing down some weed shops for ridiculous rules, forcing most businesses to stop the brick and mortar establishment and go full delivery. I like to take a look at what I’m buying but damn it’s hella easy to just order online or make a phone call and have top notch product delivered to your door in less than an hour.
Now for smoking it. With this acceptance of marijuana legality, sale and use we’re not throwing towels under our bathroom doors, running the shower and blowing through a shitty tube with a dryer sheet in it. Hell no, we’re smoking while we walk down the street.
A typical night out involves rolling a joint or packing a bowl at the bar and stepping right out front to smoke it with the cigarette smokers. Sometimes they’re cool with you smoking it inside. One of my favorite Monday night parties involves pretty much everyone in the building holding at least one blunt. I walk my dog while I smoke, I go to the park and smoke, I shop for clothes and take smoke breaks on the street in front of Macys. It’s cool, that’s how we roll. Yes, I’ve smoked in front of cops and while I don’t blow it in their faces, I also don’t freak out and try to hide it. What I’m doing is completely legal.
Friends come to visit and are usually weirded out by the nonchalance of weed life in California but after a few years here the new way of thinking is firmly planted in my head. It’s better for me to be smoking aka medicating than taking some crazy prescriptions that are doing who knows what to my body. So I smoke, and I smoke a lot and it’s hella easy and accepted. A lot more than I could have ever imagined when I lived in the DMV.
Upcoming columns from me will include the difference between indica and sativa including favorite and special strains, how to travel with weed and how to successfully and easily pass a drug test. Any more topics you’d like covered by your Cali bud expert? Leave a comment below and I’ll be sure to touch on it.
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